Crisis Narrowly Averted – January 2006

Since the crisis in July 2005, my left arm and both legs, especially toes and feet had been numb and tingly, but they seemed to be getting worse. It was Tuesday January 10, 2006 –just past midnight. I suspected I was being poisoned – either by my medicine, or food. I had to get somewhere safe. I thought it useless to go to the hospital – I was not thinking of hurting anyone – or my self. I was afraid for myself. I didn’t know if the medicines were correct at the pharmacy, or were changed later, or if it was the food or water. The chances were that the hospital wouldn’t admit me & I would have to go through all that stress. I suspected Dr Richard was behind it. I had to get to somewhere I would be safe though!

I thought I could go to a Hotel in town, but not tell anyone where I went. I gathered my cell phone and a book – couldn’t carry much – and I didn’t know where my suitcases were anyway. I went to the garage & started to leave. But I remembered I hadn’t brought my medicine. I was sure, even if it was the wrong thing, I couldn’t just do without it. I parked the car and went back in & got my medicine. It was about 1am. I drove carefully to a hotel – The Lodge – in Lincoln, NE. I parked, and carried my things to the check-in desk. I was a little familiar here as I had attended Arthur Murray dance graduations here before and also stayed here once when my wife was mad at me, before the divorce. I didn’t know how long I would stay, so I asked for 3 nights – that should give me time to think. My room was close to the check-in, but I had trouble using the magnetic card key, and had to ask for help, which they were very nice about.

I then took my medicine – I knew I needed medicine – I wasn’t sure it was the right medicine – but I really had no choice. I didn’t have the ativan for some reason – I must have missed it for some reason. I would have to hope it had been the food or water. Then I dialed 911 – to report attempted murder. A policeman knocked on the door a little later & I tried to explain what was happening – that I thought Dr Richard was behind it and that I was not sure he was really a doctor. But I had mentioned I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder – bipolar type. The policeman then let in his partner who had been waiting outside. They said they had no way to check whether he was a doctor, and that, since I had a mental illness they wouldn’t even file a report. They remarked that I seemed to be on a lot of medicine – it was all out in the open – and seemed to try to provoke me – but I ignored it. I tried to explain that bad things could happen to mentally ill people too, but they seemed to think this was impossible. Then they left. I tried calling a number for a local tv station, but they wouldn’t talk to me – nor would a newspaper reporter.

I couldn’t sleep. I checked when the restaurant would be open for breakfast – 6:00am. I took a bath & waited. A little after six, I wend down & ate. The book I had brought was The Collected Papers of Bertrand Russell, Volume 11. My name – Dennis O’Bell was in the acknowledgements. I showed it to the waitress. It was something I was proud of. My name was also in the acknowledgements of the book on the programming language Unicon, but it was not really published yet. After breakfast, I called Mom & told her I had gone to a Hotel – I didn’t say what one – to get a change for a while. I called the local pharmacy to get a refill on the ativan. I then went to a local department store to get fresh clothes. I found the ativan – it just had fallen out of the sack in the car. I stopped at the pharmacy on the way home and got the ativan – I was almost out anyway – and a few other items.

Wednesday night I decided to order pizza. I opened the phone book. It accidently opened to physicians. There was Dr. Richard – except it listed him as a gynecologist instead of a psychiatrist – exactly the same name, but a different address. I ordered pizza, and it came pretty quickly. I ate some. I was still worried about Dr. Richard. I tried calling the FBI, and DEA. I talked to offices in Washington DC, Omaha, NE, etc, but got nowhere. Everyone said it was impossible for them to check whether he was a doctor. Later I got some sleep.

The next day I called Dr Richard’s office and asked about the double listing – they said it as his son. I thought it unusual there was no differing initial, or “Jr.” or anything – but I could do no more.

I went a few days – eating all my meals in the restaurant – visiting the lounge, but just having diet cola or decaf coffee – and my thinking seemed to be improving quite rapidly. I was in contact with my psychiatrist – he wanted me to go to East General but I wouldn’t go there – I was afraid that Dr. Richard might hurt me. Thursday, being suspicious that I might have been drugged, I went to a close by walk in clinic and asked for a drug test. They said that they couldn’t do it – I would have to go to West General. I did. It took a while, but they said I didn’t have any drugs in me. I continued to improve. Friday night, in the lounge, a couple ladies looked familiar. They were from East General – last July. I said hello.

I realized, I couldn’t stay at the hotel forever. I had enough savings I could stay a few months. I looked into the newspaper at apartments and jobs. But I didn’t see any jobs I could do. I really didn’t think I could work. I didn’t see how I could get everything moved. And I didn’t think I would be safe anyway. If Dr. Richard could poison me at my old place, NIMH, or my parent’s, then he could probably do it anywhere. Maybe I was just eating better, or just needed a change. There was no use using all my savings though. Monday, I checked out & went back to my parents.